I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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