You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
