Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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