Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
