i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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