My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
