Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
