i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
