he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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