There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
