my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
