Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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