My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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