I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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