DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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