Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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