Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
