I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
