So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
