I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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