if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
