I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm bleeding and have questions
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
