I hate all girls vehemently.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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