Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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