My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
