fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
