Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
