Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
