Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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