Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
