just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
