i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
