best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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