You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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