now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
