he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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