I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
