i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
