Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
