I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
