the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
