I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
