I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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