this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
