My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
