Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
