I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
