i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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