Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
