There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
